There’s been a lot of talk lately about gratitude. It seems that gratitude makes us happy and can also boost the immune system and build resilience.
So what exactly is gratitude? Gratitude is the ability to notice (and be thankful for) the things that we often take for granted, things that we would greatly miss if they were gone. For example, rarely do we express gratitude for having electricity, or water, or perhaps having the ability to read this post, the people we have in our lives, our pets, the list goes on. We might not take a moment to appreciate the waiter who smiled at us or the bus driver who held up the bus to make sure we got on. In fact, very often, we fail to notice these things, focusing only on the negative experiences.
On the one hand, focusing on the negative experiences can be helpful, because we notice how we are being treated and can potentially avoid some negative consequences. However, in neglecting the positive experiences, we miss out on opportunities to enjoy the things that matter. Think about it, how often do we spend countless hours complaining or fixating on the terrible co-worker/customer/clerk who treated us poorly while missing the opportunity to spend time with people who matter.
Gratitude is the absolute antidote to unhappiness and anger and has been indirectly portrayed in countless movies, such as Groundhog Day. Think of Bill Murray’s character, Phil, in Groundhog Day. Phil is an arrogant weatherman, who despises his job, often making sarcastic and snide remarks to others. In doing so, Phil is suffering. His own reality appears miserable to him and it is not until he is caught in a time loop that he begins to evaluate his attitude toward life and others. It is not until he practices gratitude and altruism that Phil’s predicament ends but not without affecting how he views his life and how he treats the people around him.
So, wait, does that mean that most of us are bad, rotten, and ungrateful people? No, of course not. What that means rather, is that many of us often forget or take for granted what we have in front of us. It’s easy to fall into this trap. We all do it: while most of us value being kind, just, and compassionate, we are often “too busy” to appreciate things right in front of us or the people that might need our help. Yet, sadly when we lose something (such as the ability to walk for example) or a person that we care about, that is when we look back and realize that back then, back when we were stressed and overwhelmed and miserable, we were also happy…we just didn’t know it yet.
I sometimes ask my patients, if you fell into a time loop, how would you want to spend it? Alternatively, I like to ask, at the end of your life, what would you want people to say about you, how would you want to be remembered? It’s interesting to note that most people wish to be remembered for being altruistic, caring, compassionate, for having had certain adventures or stories to tell. In fact, the majority of people who are nearing the end of their lives report that the biggest regrets they have involve working too much, spending too little time with friends and loved ones, and not taking enough chances. It appears that all too often we forget to live while we are alive, we forget to take chances, we forget to tell people that we love them, or perhaps we are too scared of how it would be perceived.
I’m just as guilty of this as anyone. It is my hope that with additional awareness and continued support we can live our lives to the extent that our own eulogy would make us proud and a time loop of any day would be a perfect day.
I invite you to check out the video below on the wonders of gratitude.
Wishing you a lovely and warm day
-Shadow Quill
